Thursday, May 12, 2016

What I Got For Mother's Day

The short answer to "what did I get for Mother's Day?" is "the stomach flu."  But in fact, I got hit with some life-lessons as well.

These are the things I wish I hadn't learned while curled in a ball in front of the toilet on Mother's Day weekend:

1)  The OxyClean boost in the Arm And Hammer laundry pods really does get out blood stains.

2)  The Dyson vacuum can pick up even the finest shards of glass.

3)  Advanced Formula Nature's Miracle will remove cat urine from wood, carpets and fabric.

4)  I would, without hesitation, voice a commercial for any of the above products.

These are the things I was happy to discover, while considering whether or not I'd need to go to the hospital for dehydration:

1)  My son is brave enough to pour Peroxide on his own wounds.

2)  My son can now empty the dishwasher and handle all aspects of doing the laundry (except folding) all by himself.

3)  My son now has a concept of when someone is feeling crappy and can ask about it.

4) My husband has my back and knows just when to step in and when to back away.

In case you were wondering, here's the expanded version:

With my brain wrapped in cotton, still shaking and sweating from the last, violent bout of vomiting, I staggered into my son's room, drawn by his cries and the sound of something shattering. My son launched into an autistic round of self recrimination and it took me a few moments to swim through the fog to see that his anxiety was not just about a broken coffee cup, but over the cut on his thumb, dripping blood down his arm. While my husband dealt with the broken shards, I steered my son past my my bathroom encampment and offered him hydrogen peroxide, which, after a brief protest, he applied to himself. I opened a bandage and sent him to the living room to await an all-clear on his room, then sank back to my knees on the thick towel before the commode in anticipation of the next round.

Feeling somewhat better the next day, I returned to the encampment to break it down and disinfect the area, when I was knocked back by the strong scent of cat urine, just feet away. My husband's weekend house project had involved installing plastic sheeting around the doorway of his studio, across the hall from the bathroom. Perhaps it was the odd, flappy material, my unavialability, sounds of construction, or just plain, old-age-orneriness that drove the cat to pull down a corner of the plastic sheet and pee in such a way as to saturate the hardwood floor, doorjamb and studio curtain. I grabbed what was left of a gallon of Nature's Miracle and poured it everywhere, using a microfiber cloth to work it into the floor and door jamb, pulled down the curtain for a pre-soak, then washed it on "sanitize" setting (using more Nature's Miracle as detergent). My husband hauled the plastic to the garbage for immediate disposal. I briefly entertained the fantasy of including the cat in that package.

My son's thumb, the hardwood floors, my stomach and the cat are all perfectly fine now.

But the biggest lesson for Mom was:

Let the guys do more.  They can.  Be less available sometimes (not just when it's physically impossible). And always, ALWAYS keep a sense of humor.

It was a terrible weekend, but it makes for a great story, giving me a Mother's Day where my family took care of themselves - and me.
I also got these flowers!

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